I have to think about St. Matthias today who after the betrayal of Judas took the spot as the "new" twelfth Apostle. In Acts this morning we read that the guys gathered to vote between Justus and Matthias and we hear them say that it must be one of the guys who have been with them from the time Jesus baptized John to His Ascension. I hear them say that they are choosing someone who has been with them through thick and thin. They want someone dedicated to the task. They want someone who has experienced all that they have gone through and have stayed with Jesus. Someone who gets it.
As usual, when someone asks in a crowd, "Who'd like to take on a task?", my hand goes up immediately. I love a good challenge. "Pick me. Pick me." But, today, I have to pause before I raise my hand and think, "Have I really been with Him through it all? Do I have it in me to trudge the long road all the way to the Ascension? Have I listened? Have I read enough? Am I sharp enough? Honed? Sure of the answers? Simply, do I fully follow the Spirit? Do I ask Him to lead me every day? Do I put Jesus first always?"
Today, as the lots are cast and the twelve are looking for new leaders, I think about Matthias and Justus and with them wonder if I'm good enough. Will they choose me? And, even better, if I'm not chosen for this role, will I continue to strive for something more? Continue to teach and to preach and to learn? What are our reactions toward our roles? As our lots fall on us in this life, how do we respond?